On Despair …

I’m a bit better today. The despair got to me. I had a rough weekend worrying about this stuff, and missing my son. I’m used to my eldest being away for days at a time, but my baby … it’s just not right.

I’m still depressed, but I’m not so depressed as I was when I wrote the previous post, so that’s something.

I finally got the balls to open that letter from the Board of Psychology. It was a form letter saying they’d got my paperwork and they have a back log now, so don’t worry if it takes a while to hear from them. All that freaking out for nothing. Story of my life. If I’m really lucky, the investigation won’t commence until after she submits her report to the court and it will be too late for her to take the kids in retaliation without showing her true colors.

Who knew that the state budget crisis might help me in a sticky situation?

Child Protective Services will be here in less than an hour. I don’t know why. I’m guessing they are investigating the police report from the “home alone” incident. It’s the same investigator as we had two years ago, and she’s sympathetic and can see what’s going on, so hopefully she’ll have some stuff to reassure me with. Since she’s already interviewed Mr. Ex and Company, she’s got their version of the story. She’s sharp, though, and maybe she saw what was going on.

Then the kids come home for four days after that. No having to see their dad or his girlfriend picking them up and dropping them off every day. No rushing around to make sure we’re ready at the pickup time. It’s downright civilized. If only their dad was a normal human being, I could go along with this no problem. They’re all so busy assuming I’m just out to get him they haven’t heard me when I’ve said I am tired. I want some time to myself. But I think he’s dangerous.

I mean, come on, people, haven’t you heard of Occam’s Razor? The simplest explanation is usually the correct one? Or is it simpler to believe a woman will be a cunt and fuck everyone over just for the sake of it, not caring what it does to her kids?

At any rate, I have some time now, and I intend to get that Special Master. She can’t be allowed to get away with re-victimizing people, which is exactly what she’s doing.

She said she was very close to retiring. I hope she has her retirement funds in place because I am going to go forward with my complaint and see it through to the end.

How many women has she done this to? How many people have given up because it seemed hopeless and just let her get away with it?

Here’s hoping it was one too many. I hope my bravado this morning can transfer to the long haul. I’m tired of family court and the vampires that inhabit it. The world would be a better place if they were all fed to sharks on Pay Per View.

~ by gorigadhaa on June 22, 2009.